Hello Everyone ♥️ . . . I’m baaaaack . . . with MUSICA!
I’v always thought of myself as a lucky girl because I was born with the happy gene . . . I’m the one that wrote:
That’s probably part of the reason I didn’t recognize the overwhelming feelings of loss that descended like a black cloud early in February and left me sitting on the couch, staring into space, wondering if I should go to the emergency room. I couldn’t even express the symptoms. What could this shaky, unmoored feeling of being perched on the edge of a razor blade possibly mean? I should have known, but I forgot. Twenty years ago in Girlfriends Forever I wrote:
How could I forget? This part especially ⬇️ . . . it sneaks up on you. Yes, it does. 
I’d been too busy with racing thoughts, deadlines, and worrying about the world to notice the black cloud swirling until the floor suddenly dropped out from under me. Yes, I did spend a lot of time worrying, but wasn’t that normal in this day and age? My purpose in life has always been to try and spread a little sunshine in hopes of changing the world. I had the happy gene! I counted my blessings! But the other side of my coin, I was born worried. Since I was little, I could feel the despair, no matter where in the world it was, and I worried about it. Don’t tell me not to, I can’t help it … I worry about everything from starving lost people to fish choking on plastic.
I cried to think of our isolated beloveds stuck in nursing homes with no hugs, and anguished about hungry, confused, innocent children left alone to fend for themselves. I lost heart wondering if the healthy, strong, and rich would ever care for the weak, poor, and vulnerable. Otherwise why did God put us here? Why do animals have to suffer because of us? I was disgusted with the sick adoration of money. These last years of turmoil and chaos, floods and fires, gunshots and death counts made me feel like what I spent my life doing didn’t matter. And of course, my mom died, and February was her birthday, my first without her. My dad was gone.😢 Too many sadnesses lead to sleeplessness and anxiety. I lost control of my brain and bad thoughts filtered through my dreams. I felt so alone. But, now I know I wasn’t.
One gray day, I found one of my best friends standing outside my kitchen window holding 
this sign in her hand. 😢 Of course, I let her in. The first person in our house in a year. Joe made us a fire, I lit some candles and made tea. She sat at one end of the living room and I was at the other. We commiserated about our moms, about the constant bad news, how awful it was for children missing school, how overwhelming it was. missing everything ~ we dreamed out loud about what we were going to do when it was all over. If it was ever over . . . the light at the end of the tunnel was still very dim.
I read in the newspaper that that people all over the world have been coping with stress because this dam-panic has been MISERABLE. The drip-drip-drip of bad news wears on us like a plague. Stress is too small a word ~ when your mental health starts affecting your physical health, it becomes much more than mere stress. And, if I felt like this, what about the nurses and doctors, the hospitals, and the families who had to deal with constant grief, would it ever end for them? I read about trauma. I knew it shouldn’t be like this.
My world looked like this. Hope had flown the coop.
I could not find the bright side. I couldn’t even write you. Something HAD to be done.
One day, sitting in my chair, wondering if I should tell Joe (I didn’t want to worry him) and ask him to take me to the emergency room, I said to myself, “What do people do when they don’t feel well?” I glanced over at the couch and answered, “They lie down and go to sleep.” So that’s what I did. And I felt a little better when I woke up. It gave me just enough energy to get on Google to find out WHAT IS THIS? I already knew, but I forgot. I had somehow gotten myself into this, and I learned from Google, I could get myself out. I read that if you are not sleeping well then you MUST nap. It’s not a luxury, it is a necessity. Your overall health depends on it.
And when the rain stopped we went for a brisk, wet walk through the woods and out to the sea. Every day. I turned off the news and turned on HGTV and watched everyone choose floors and faucets for their dream homes. I wallowed in the creativity of other people. 
Ommmmm . . .
I stopped eating lunch at my desk, and started eating it in front of an old movie. Where the music is wonderful, the rooms are gloriously romantic, and everything comes out the way it’s supposed to.
I stopped going into my studio and signed up for twice-a-week sessions with my girlfriend who is an acupuncturist. At first, I got there dizzy and unsteady and lay down like a buzz saw, hovering above the table about a half inch, holding on for dear life to the razor’s edge. But when Marjorie found the first point (she said it was the “Gate of Hope”) boom, I fell to the table all at once, became grounded and calm, like someone had handed me a teddy bear and a blankie. It was life saving. She said my “adrenals” were shot. Whatever that was. I put myself in her good hands and it’s been a huge help. At first it seemed to wear off after a couple of days, but each week I got stronger, the wearing off took longer, and now it doesn’t happen at all! I have a 2 pm appt. with her today!👏 Because I am committed. I have places to go and people to see. But more than anything, my Google research reminded me . . .
I started meditating faithfully once again, every day, about two months ago. When I first started, I pictured myself sitting on top of the earth with the stars, a lovely, quiet place to be. Something else that’s cumulative, one day of meditation is definitely not enough. It’s made a world of difference to consciously stop time for a little while and count my blessings. And find, once again, that within each of us is everything we need, bravery, wisdom, clarity, gratitude, peace, healing, God. I made up my own mantra: I say an affirmation such as, I am happy, or I choose health, and at the end of each affirmation, I add “Because every cell of my body is bathed in the creative light and love of God.” It’s heaven in there. My mom and dad visit.💞 And it’s making me well . . .
If you’ve never tried meditation, or if it has seemed too hard (another word for meditation is prayer🙏), you might enjoy reading about the different kinds of meditation. My favorite is “guided” meditation . . . it keeps your mind from wandering in the most wonderful way. You can find so many guided meditations on Youtube . . . try this one, or this one. Or choose one for your own circumstances. I don’t know if I would have ever written my first book if I hadn’t found meditation. It’s so powerful. You have to do it every day, every other day is no good! Care for self comes first so we can care for others.💞
Being faithful to meditation reminded me of when I first moved to the island, feeling that loneliness and terrible loss of self . . . many of you remember me writing about discovering it in Martha’s Vineyard Isle of Dreams.
It was like that, burrowing in, rebuilding, getting strong again . . .
Relying on others to help.
And you know I have the perfect others!
He needed me. Sort of. Not really.😹 But I can wield a mean can-opener. It’s good to be needed.♥️
And this good man. My guardian angel. He needs me too.♥️ Every day I got better.
So then I discovered these little magic things . . . AirPods, wireless earbuds. You just put them NEAR your iPhone, push NO buttons, and they hook themselves up to your phone.😲 Then you sign up for Audible, audio books you keep on your phone, and voila! A new world opens!
You put one earbud in your own ear, and the other one in Joe’s.
And off you go, into the woods, with the blue sky coming through the bare branches, the clean cold air filling your lungs with Spring, and the luv-lee sound of an English Storybook in your ears as you walk through the woods to the sea and crashing waves, the salt smell, the seagulls call.💞 Joy of life. 
I’d read the book before, but Joe hadn’t ~ he loved it as much as me. Much more fun with him! Sometimes we walk all the way to the water with the book playing, then take out the earbuds, and walk back doing “book club.”
It’s even a better book that it was a movie, and it’s a WONDERFUL movie. In case you haven’t seen it. Set in 1930s England, published first in the 1940s … Delightfully written with every word a pearl, I Capture the Castle. We finished it yesterday and today we start a new book, The Splendid and the Vile by Erik Larson ~ everything personal and public about Winston Churchill during WWII. Another English accent to listen to while we walk! ♥️
Other “words as pearls” arrived this winter, beautiful letters, kind emails, and concerned comments on this blog from Girlfriends, who somehow knew, even though they didn’t really, and worried about me, and sent love.💞 Inside the watercolored rose Ann B. painted, she wrote, “Now abideth faith, hope and love, these three, but the greatest of these is love.” One girlfriend (Ellen I.) wrote, “The journey of life has ups and downs, not always easy to see the silver linings, the positives…the blessings… there’s always something to be thankful for.” Made me cry. See how connected we are?
I read that what we eat has a lot to do with overall health, even mental health, so I ate better . . . Mmmmm, split pea soup and beets. 
And after I meditated, and after our walk, and after I got home from acupuncture, it cheered me up to make ice cream sandwiches like flowers to take to friends.
And I made some for us . . . (This easy delicious recipe is in the 30-year anniversary edition of Heart of the Home ~ this time I made them with ginger cookies, pickled ginger, coconut ice cream and ground black pepper ~ yum!)
I put flowers in my tiny vases, one of my tried-and-true cures for whatever ails you.
I felt better every day, and finally cleaned the kitchen . . . the red holiday rugs were getting on my nerves, I needed to lighten up, so I changed them out for summer blues and brought down my bluebird lampshade. We opened the door and let in a little fresh air . . .
I washed everything in the open dish cupboards, made it all shine . . . stood there and stared at it, proud.
Pride doesn’t have to be big, even little pride can help . . .
And noticed with joy that the sun was getting stronger and our days were growing longer…👏
We watched a wonderful movie called Two Popes . . . A must see! THIS is what I call HOPE! You don’t have to be Catholic, or even religious to love it! It’s a people movie.♥️
I finally finished the 2022 calendars! I worried I would NEVER get them done, but I did! God and nature and the whole world and the stars too. . .
I sewed a little heart on this guy to give him as a get-well gift . . . couldn’t tie off the thread, had to leave a long one hanging inside of him . . .
This happened in the garden . . . so I brought some in …
Snow drops, the first flower to bloom here on the Island… they come up even in the snow! If that’s not a vision of hope I don’t know what is.
Then this happened in the woods . . .
And this happened in the kitchen . . .
And I made an Easter Cake . . . Domesticity always comes to the rescue with me.🌼 And you can’t beat domesticity in the spring. It’s the best! Spring cleaning to a new beginning.
But the most wonderful of all . . .
I got my first Covid-19 vaccine ON my mother’s birthday, and the second one on the first day of Spring, and then, on Easter Sunday, I was fully immune (as immune as we can be).🌺 They gave me this card and
I felt like it was an “I voted” sticker! Talk about proud! Wanted to wear it on my coat! Most of our friends were in the same boat at the same time. We have experienced our first hugs now.💞 I CRIED when I got my first shot. I didn’t expect to cry but I was suddenly filled with gratitude for our amazing medical people and scientists who worked so hard to save us from 
another year of this misery. The joy at our hospital where they gave the shots was palpable. Everyone felt it. We’ve lost so much, but my heart tells me there’s been a shift. I even heard people talking on TV about money not being everything this morning ~ that made me very happy. Maybe, just maybe, we have learned something. Maybe we are coming out stronger, better, more loving.🙏
We celebrated on the first nice day with a picnic with the swans . . . and then we went home and took a nap. And each day I felt better and stronger and more “myself” than the day before . . .
We planned our first Dahlia garden. Joe has always wanted one.
Soon it will be time to plant. It’s going inside the picket fence on the right side of the gate (in the center), so we can see the tops of the flowers peeking over the fence from the kitchen window. This year I want to fill that garden with
SO MUCH B E A U T Y!
Dahlias, forget me nots, roses, foxgloves, Shasta daisies, white cosmos, hollyhocks, and pink petunias. You’ll see. I’ll take pictures! Don’t we all feel this way? A new start! Sweet Peas, my favorite flowers, don’t grow well here on the island . . . but if they do where you are, be sure to look for the variety “Cupani” … I hear they are more resistant to heat, and have the very best fragrance . . . and with a sweet pea, that is saying something!
Isn’t this gorgeous? We ordered our dahlias on line from Swan Island Dahlias at www.dahlias.com . . .
We chose big ones and little ones, but mostly ones that make good cut flowers . . . we got fifteen varieties . . .
Hard to narrow choices since there are over 50,000 different varieties! Some people make a life’s work of them, finding all the rare ones … I watched a wonderful Easter Special about a Dahlia Garden in England belonging to a couple who’ve been growing them for twenty years . . .💞
I managed to make us some new cards . . . the always-needed festive Birthday Card ~ and Friendship for saying goodbye to a PANDEMIC . . . 
And these rainbow stickers! You’ll find them and the cards, along with some new sewing kits here.
And a new garden banner from our luv-lee creative girlfriend Janie! Look at that envelope, isn’t it darling? She is so good, we never know what new idea she will have!♥️
We got in a few more of my dishes including these sweet little ring plates.🌺
And two pages of bookmarks, decorated on both sides, you can cut out and give to your friends . . .💞
And this is why I feel so much better . . . the grand essentials of happiness . . . Check ✔️! And yes I’m about to start designing us some new cups! I’m ready! But I saved the best for last . . .
Loving our Country Life Magazine . . . giving us hope for the future! It’s time to start dreaming! So let’s have more MUSICA, one of Queen Elizabeth’s favorite songs . . . all about dreaming . . .
So, if all goes well . . . Joe and I will go WEST to California via AMTRAK, in our room with a view, this fall to see everyone … Oh the hugs. I can’t wait. Big dream. I hope this world cooperates and doesn’t mess with us!
And then, oh yes . . . We made reservations to sail to England on the Queen Mary 2 next year, on May 1, 2022, God willing and the variants don’t rise! And wouldn’t it be fun if this time you come 
along with us for real? Think about it! You wouldn’t have to be crushed into suitcases and smuggled aboard and dance in the dark this time! Because yesterday I called Cunard to see what I could do to make that happen.♥️ I spoke to Susan Gannon and she said if you’d like to sail with us next year, you can call her at 800-468-7752 ext. 41663 and she will personally help make your reservations. You will have to mention that you’re part of the Susan Branch Girlfriends group, give them this group number: TNM, and voyage #M211 so they can keep track of us as a group . . . If there’s enough of us they’ll have special 
group pricing and other surprises. They had to cancel their entire spring and summer itinerary this year, which means that many of the people that didn’t get to go this year, will be going next year. So think fast! You would have to make a deposit, but you can cancel with complete refund if you do it by December 31, 2021, this year. It would give you extra time to decide for sure. Susan can answer any questions you have and you can call her anytime. This isn’t a tour like the kind you read about, where you have a “tour guide.” It’s more like one of our picnics, only on the ship!🚢 
2022 Should be an especially WONDERFUL year in England 🇬🇧 ~ probably dancing in the street due to freedom from pandemic🤞, but 
that’s not all . . . bunting will criss-cross every city and village as the whole nation celebrates the Platinum Jubilee of Queen Elizabeth! It’s the first time ANY British monarch will have celebrated 70 years on the throne! She will decree an additional “bank holiday” … an extra four-day weekend for everyone! (How’s that for power to make joy?🎉) I’m sure there will be fireworks, probably in June! We were there for her Diamond Jubilee in 2012, and I can tell you, Brits know how to celebrate their Queen! Every kind of ship and boat came from all over the Commonwealth to London to honor her in a Parade on the Thames! Even rowboats and the “Dunkirk Little Ships” were there. It was beautiful.⛵️
I stopped writing here, and when I did, I heard the sad news that Prince Philip had died at age 99.😢 The Queen’s rock. Macho man who took on the job of guardian angel.💖 A reminder that we’re losing the Greatest Generation. The Prince is a huge piece of the past, our history too, the history of the world. 
The Queen has “carried on” through thick and thin, through wars and Prime Ministers, natural disasters, and even worse disasters, the man-made kind ~ through every sort of challenge, always with Prince Philip at her side, but this one will be her most difficult of all, she must go it alone. I hope the UK spends all of 2022 celebrating their love.♥️ I hope they play this MUSICA . . . it was their song when they were young. Wasn’t she lucky to have the person she loved at her side for so very long for what I think might be the worst possible job in the world!?! Sending my deepest condolences to all my UK Girlfriends …
So out we go, it’s a good time for our walk with Winnie (just found out he took two baths a day no matter WHAT was happening! Even during his darkest hours. The ultimate in self-care. Love this man.) I hope you are having a WONDERFUL DAY and taking very good care of yourself💗… now, I will go add MUSICA to this blog, and voila, fini! Finally! Happy spring dearests!🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸 Talk soon!
Glad you’re feeling better! Your words are always so encouraging for others so I’m glad they are working on you, with a little help from your friends!
It’s just as well we didn’t know how you were feeling because if Susan Branch is depressed what hope is there for us! Thank you for sharing how you pulled yourself out of it. I’ve been listening to Native American flute this week while starting a new exercise routine that is more about stretching than burning calories. Tears flooded my eyes each morning for days, but finally this morning I felt the sadness had been squeezed out of me. I’m just tired now. Your email makes me hopeful for better days ahead. ❤️ P.S. I love acupuncture! But my acupuncturist moved to France two years ago. I tried someone new but it was not a good fit. I’ve been thinking of looking again now that I’m vaccinated. This is the push I need.
Susan, I am sending you healing energy and loving thoughts. I knew something was wrong and kept thinking about you. Despair hits us hard sometimes, thank goodness you have that happy gene and love for yourself and love and support from Joe , Jack and all your girlfriends. 💜🙏🏻🌷
I am glad you are doing better. It is so good to hear from you.
With love,
Wendy Marvin
( Michigan)
Dear Susan I was so sad to read this new email but yet it could have been written about me.
I have felt like I was the only one who had these almost exact feelings that you so beautifully described.
I suffered 5 losses in 2020 …I understand everyone grieves differently and handles it in so many different ways.
I could not pull myself out of the dark tunnel.
Prayers work wonders but sometimes just not quite fast enough.
Thank you for sharing your feelings , thoughts and how you have got a handle on things now.
Digging in the dirt works wonders as well as cake and tea!
Hugs to you and I wish you a very happy day!
So wonderful to see your post today! It brought tears of joy and understanding to a most grateful blog follower, and friend. Thank you for your heartfelt communication.❤️
Dearest Susan, I felt something was wrong and sent up a prayer for you-even told a close friend yesterday(who also enjoys your blog)that I was worried about you. What a relief to see this today!!! Thank heavens you’re feeling better. Lovingly, Julia
I was worried about you,Susan since I did not receive an email in a while. Glad you got through it. Getting outdoors and praying REAllY helps in these difficult days.Plus the covid injections are giving us hope too! I can finally see my girls and girlfriends! This too shall pass!
Susan!!!
You are one of my heroes!
Your books have meant the world to me. Whenever I am feeling down your books are my comfort food and inspiration! You have made a huge difference in my one little life. And I’m only one of tens of thousands of souls you have touched. You are the reason I vacation on Martha’s Vineyard! Your Autumn book made me fall in love with the island and I knew I had to see it for myself. ❤️❤️❤️Sending you so much Love ❤️ You sweet wonderful woman ❤️
😘😘😘😘
Oh dear Susan! So delighted you are back🌸 Looked for you each week of March and then April came, and today, there YOU was! I prayed for you and was concerned for you and Joe.
I have been there….this Jan. I found I have arthritis…my whole leg hurt when I was walking in a store. My dr suggested a Physical Therapist, who gave me many exercises to do at home. Now am on the mend and only have to see her every other week. (Had a couple back aches from gardening this week, but then didn’t know what I could and couldn’t do til I done it, ya know?)
Thank you for the book ideas and movie too! My hubby and I have been watching series since Covid. A Place Called Home, Downton Abbey (He liked, and was my 2nd time), Poldark, North and South, and now Gilmore Girls! Another book by Julie Klassen I’m now reading, is: A Castaway in Cornwall. She has also been to England several times, and her books are all about fictional people that live there! So good! ❤️
So glad you are taking care of yourself. I had to STOP watching the news first week of Jan! Arther itis in my back and hip gave me so much pain this winter! More pain than ever, ever.
Lots of meditation, prayers, Bible reading, tears, hubby hugs, books, and movies helped!😊
Wanted to write you a note, but just couldn’t figure it out on your blog.
“But we are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that he should shew forth the praises of Him who hath called you out of darkness into His marvelous light:”. 1Peter 2:9. Yes, we are very blessed peoples, to have vaccinations! WOW! What medical miracles those drs and scientists are!
Shine on girl🌞It’s garden time!
💫💫💫
Hi Susan,
I am not a regular commenter on your blog, but I am a regular reader. I had been thinking about you of late and hoping all was well during these trying and stress inducing times. I am glad you have been able to work it through and see that all that we love is still there for us to appreciate and wonder at. Wishing you a Happy Spring!
This was the perfect return letter! I’m sitting here crying happy tears. Thank you for the spring sunshine this brings into my day. ❤️
So glad to hear you are doing ok. The other day I happened to think “I haven’t seen a Susan Branch blog in a while”. I even went to your website to see if maybe I just missed the email. I loved seeing all the pictures in this blog and I also enjoyed hearing about the various things you did to get you out of what I refer to as a “blue funk”. Some I’ve used and some I will try. It’s spring here in East Tennessee – gorgeous flowers and delightful weather. I’m fully vaccinated now and can finally get to see my kids and grandkids when we fly across country in June. All of my friends have had the same Whooopppeee!!!! reaction to getting vaccinated. We are still wearing masks and being careful. Please know how uplifting your blogs are and how much all of us enjoy reading them as well as seeing you calendar everyday and having coffee/tea out of your mugs. You are a blessing in my life.
Susan you are obviously a very sensitive person so maybe you should not read the book I’m about to mention.
I was watching television yesterday and yet another mother was complaining about being tired of home schooling her kids, cooking and not seeing family and friends. I thought to myself every person that is moaning about that right now should read the book ” Lilac Girls” and then see how they feel about their current circumstances.
I remember as a young eight year old girl, going to my neighbors high school play which was Diary of Anne Frank. After seeing that I read the book and thought how can I ever complain about most anything ever again.
With the currant practice of trying to erase history now I feel the old phrase is true, if you dont learn about it or remember it you are bound to repeat it.
Susan I know you are a kind and thoughtful person but when you state that people care too much about money and then in the same post talk about going back on the ship to England again, something the vast majority or us will never have the finances to do, remind yourself how truly blessed you are to live in that big beautiful house, on one of the prettiest and wealthiest islands in America.
I know I’m going to receive flak about this from other readers who think everyone should only post comments that fart hearts and unicorn rainbows but I think you know where I am speaking from, which is my heart and great admiration for you, who has just lost her way a tiny bit.
Big hug,
CL
Oh Susan, I knew something big was up because you hadn’t shared with us in so long.
I am much like you…the world can weigh heavy on us, but we really can’t do much about it for everyone, we can only do our part, whatever that may be.
You and I forget to focus on BEAUTY!!! Beauty is what thrills us and nourishes our hearts and souls, whether it is a flower, a book, a movie, a pretty dress. We cannot be happy without beauty. We must always focus on beauty so that we are fulfilled and can then continue on to give our gifts to those around us.
Now you know the secret which can help you from dropping so far into sadness next time around.
Thank you for sharing with us!!!
Oh, Susan. Thank you so much for this, and how wonderful that you found your own way back! I just hadn’t realized how much I had missed your comforting words until I started reading this, and just broke down 30 seconds in. I’ve dealt with many of the same emotions and physical symptoms. I truly believe we are on our way back, and oh how I would love to join you and the girlfriends on this trip!
Oh Susan,
So glad the black dog has left! I was wondering what was going on when day after day, you weren’t in my inbox.
I had a bout of depression and come out the other side last year. Managed to march on through the ghastly politics, fires (I live in California), COVID, riots, but when my dearly loved cat Rupert died I lost it.
But the smoke disappeared, the politics resolved themselves and the sky was blue again.
Went to the shelter, online, and found another cat who needed a home.
Life is joyful again, and browned butter shortbread cookies are good, too.
Gayle
How beautiful and brave of you to share your deepest, darkest moments. You inspire so many people, and by sharing something “not so happy”…you have now let so many know THEY ARE NOT ALONE. And this past year has certainly left us feeling alone, and scared, and worried, and anxious. Thank you for using your platform to reach so many. IT HELPS. And walking, meditation, music, healthy eating, writing, napping…all gets the journey to wellness going. My husband gave me the book Wintering: The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times by British author Katherine May. You might see yourself in her book…I know I did. She is interviewed in a wonderful podcast by Krista Tippett (On Being). Happy Spring, dearest Susan Branch. You continue to bring me joy…hugs! (Yes! I’m Pfizer vaccinated too!)
I just finished reading you and of course I’m sitting here blubbering and wish I could give you a big hug. I definitely know what it feels like, to be hurting, to sense in oneself that you’ve lost yourself and will you ever get her back. It is a terrible feeling to think you’ve lost the YOU that is you. That loss of identity, to the very core of oneself … if you can ever feel normal again, or is this just what it is now. The quest for answers; the why of it.
Many of us have a similar story but we can’t possibly know of your own personal, gut-wrenching experience. However, 20 yrs ago with me, I actually DID go to the ER (I didn’t know what was wrong; I thought I was having a heart attack but it was, instead, a panic attack; a lot of fears and worries/losses/stressors [my share of personal tragedies] had taken their toll); but what made things so much worse was that the wonderful, compassionate, dedicated RN who spent a lot of attentive time with me in the ER bay, sometimes visiting her big dog out in their van parked in the hospital parking lot, drove home that night after her double shift and crashed the van on a steep mountain road. She died.
That’s the kind of thing that kept happening; one blow, one loss, one after another in my life to where I descended into a pit that, for the first time IN my life, I just could not dig myself out of (I was from a family who always pushed thru their problems and issues; you pick yourself up, brush yourself off, pull on your boots and keep trudging; don’t whine; put on your big-girl pants), so I did a lot of stuff to heal, like talk it out with a family counselor (who specialized in grief therapy; she said ‘sometimes things have to fall apart so they can come together in a new way’ [certainly can’t go on like it is]); guided imagery to a great tape I got for my little recorder (just put my head somewhere else for a little while; I’d take a ‘rest’ [not a nap] every afternoon with this; take off my shoes, cuddle with a soft blankie); progressive muscle relaxation was very healing with another tape (I didn’t do acupuncture but I did invest in a lot of professional massage at a reputable clinic associated with a doctor); I had a ‘worry list’ I’d do before bedtime so that I could go to sleep easier with that stuff out of my brain and instead onto the page (reassuring myself I could cope with these worries tomorrow and that everything would probably turn out just fine); I did A LOT of walking in the fresh air, twice a day, when I’d never been much of a walker (it breaks up the negative energy); I made myself read every night, getting into a book series that was pleasant and gentle; I eventually got a new rescue puppy because contributing to my darkness had been the loss of pets who’d gotten elderly and who had passed all at about the same time.
It took a few months to feel more healed; frankly, it sometimes felt like a long journey from Point A to Z. It took time to feel like I was sinking; it took time to feel that I had my head above water again; but TIME is a healer. My friends and parents were bewildered, wanting to help but not knowing what to do; however, I was so blessed to have a supportive husband. We just have to watch out for those big and little (compilation of) stressors, because they can catch up with us. For all that we’re strong, we humans are also fragile.
You were never a person to be locked down, Susan; you got forced into it. I am so, so sorry to know you’ve had such a bad time. I actually wasn’t very intuitive about it; I just thought you’d switched out your blog for Twitter. It’s wonderful to have the protection of the vaccination in the midst of this horrible pestilence/virus and I just hope it will stop replicating as the world becomes immunized. What’s really important is that you and Joe have a lot to look forward to; I do know of people who have the means and health to travel, who are doing the same thing, making their plans (baby steps) to ‘get out there'(!!), hoping for the best. We’ve all been on pause for too long.
I just feel so lucky to still be alive. I feel an obligation to live better, live well, in tribute, in testament, in acknowledgment for all those who were stricken or who succumbed. None of them deserved it. This is a kind of new thought process in just the past few days for me; because I’d found myself ‘blue’ in the past couple of weeks, over stuff that in the end just doesn’t really matter, and I was brought up short to remember to stop sweating the small stuff. LIVE for those who couldn’t. And, Susan, we are going to be okay. It’s the sweetest part of faith.
Thank you Vickie … I know we’ll be okay! On our way! Sending love! xoxoxo💖
Cheers to you brave lady!
Thank you for sharing.
Dear Susan, despite feeling such sadness for you, in reading this, I am also filled with joy at your “coming out of it” party! You expressed perfectly what so many have felt~ and thus I think we have an idea as to how you’ve felt. And we sensed your absence. Thank God you are back…for Joe, for Jack, for girlfriends but especially for yourself💕
It is a beautiful day today where I live and I’ll guess it’s beautiful for you as well. Let your happy gene shine in the sunshine!!!! Much love to you!
Sending hugs 🤗 You sure deserve them, because you have brought smiles and homemade goodies recipes to this girl for years and years. Bless you!
From darkness and despair to light, love, joy, beauty and celebration of the small things in life. Your writing and photos are ALWAYS spot on! I finished reading ‘The Splendid and the Vile’ two weeks ago which is wonderfully told of Churchill’s life from May ’40 – May ’41. The English ‘carried on’ for 4 years! At the same time I was also reading of WW2 in France in Kristen Hannah’s ‘Nightingale’, also historical fiction. The 3rd book finished is Jane Healy’s newest historical novel, ‘The Secret Stealers’, also of WW2 France. I am grateful every moment of the day that I live now, not then. We have not had rationing, bombing, lack of clothing, heat, etc. I am awaiting the 17th book this month in the Masie Dobbs series (WW 1 in England) by Jacqueline Winspear. Masie has helped me keep a positive perspective this past year and be ok with LOTS of quiet time. Continue to bring your LIGHT to us.
Oh my, it is SO GOOD to hear from you! Just THIS very morning something told me to check for your April blog. I knew you were busy with your 2022 calendar due in March, but with the second month of not hearing your wonderful voice, I scoured your website and Internet today to see if you had changed your blog schedule. I missed reading your cheerful words and wondered “How is dear Susan doing?” I hoped you had not been sick and that perhaps you were just heads down in creating your magic. Then…just a little while ago, I saw your email for April and jumped for JOY! THANK YOU FOR BEING THERE! BIG HUGS and SMILES GO OUT TO YOU!
Welcome back——-You were missed..
So glad Spring has arrived for you. And planning to travel is the best pick-me-up! We steal magnolias always seem to pull through the tough times…huh? You are an inspiration to me. Thanks for sharing!! Barb G
So good to read this post! I received my vaccine on April 8th….yesterday. It was like a celebration in my heart. I’m looking forward to the 2nd one the end of this month. Nothing has changed. I will continue to wear my mask and distance myself but I have a feeling of things getting better….;..much better.
Thanks for the hope! I think we all have been “down” in some fashion as this Pandemic has gone on for so long already. Praise God for His blessings on me and those I love. It could always be worse, whatever our situation. This feeling of isolation is hard for all of us who are social. Man is not supposed to live apart from family and friends. We are not supposed to be be afraid of something we can’t even see. But those trees leaf and those flowers bloom as a sign that God knows what is happening and he gives us a sign with nature that this too will pass. Be brave and trust that we will emerge like springtime!
Me too! So good to get this timely post and so sorry you have had a rough patch. In February I woke up one day and could barely get down the block! Anxiety thru the roof. I think living thru 4 years of Dump aged us! And when February rolled around all that sadness/anger/anxiety just burst the dam. I’ve been using the Calm app to meditate daily, it really helps. Now that I can leave the house (2 shots plus 2 weeks) maybe I’ll see about finding an accupuncturist. Stay well my friend! WE NEED YOU! ♥
judith
Dear Susan,
You truly have made a difference in this world. You have helped me, and I’m sure others, more than you can possibly know. I reread your Fairytale Girl and Isle of Dreams books for inspiration and comfort. Because of you, I have had the courage to go after my own dreams. Because of you, I don’t feel like an outcast when cooking, cleaning, and domestic life brings me joy. Thank you for being you, and happy early birthday to my birthday twin and my very own Beatrix Potter. 💛 Much love and hugs from Minnesota.
Welcome back! Missed you. Totally understand your temporary lapse, and look forward to hearing more. Hang in there!
Welcome back, Susan. I understand where you’ve been. It’s not fun, nor healthy to shrug off. It sounds like you’ve done everything right. I quit Twitter the week of New Years. I don’t miss it anymore. I’ve discovered I’m better off not knowing all breaking news, and reiterated innumerable times. I’m so happy to be free of it. I’m finishing up President Obama’s A Promised Land, and then will delve straight into I Capture The Castle. I’ve had my two Moderna vaccines, and now awaiting appointments for my husband. I wondered why your blog had grown quiet. So glad you’re back, and thank you for sharing your journey with us. It sounds like you’ve done everything right. Nature is such a balm! Happy Spring! ((Hugs))
Love you, Susan! You made my day!!
Oh, my Dear, Dear Sue, Somehow I just knew you were giving yourself what was needed. The Biggest Gold Star from this old teacher! My bottom came about 3 months ago. And I didn’t have thousands of folks wondering where I was and why I had not done this and done that. But, having been in that dark place several times in my almost 76 years, I’ve learned to Lean, lean on professionals, and those who love me. Bless you, sweet thing, for getting what your body and spirit needed.
I’m having my second G & T, toasting Prince Phillip, working on my SB jigsaw, and watching the sun sink below the yard arm on this BeUtiful day.
Hugest (can that be a word?) Hugs and Mucho Grande Love,
Debbie in Maine…..The Lovely Tom is in Florida taking care of what needs to be
done. Home on April 18! I’ll probably jump his lovely bones
right there at Bangor airport… 😉
I love your gold stars Debbie! Sending them right back to you! ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
A wonderful post, I forwarded it to a friend.
I am struggling at the moment that started when I found our daughter dead March 27th. It all lays at my feet as my dear husband has some dementia. God has taken care of me as have church friends and neighbors. Much to do, funeral tomorrow.
I’m so glad you’re surrounded with love and support. My heart breaks for you. 💖💖💖
thank you Susan for sharing your thoughts and feelings that I know duplicate how many of us have been feeling during this time. You took control of your life and I congratulate you. Each day will be better. Irene
Oh, Susan, it was so wonderful to see your post pop up this afternoon. It has been a very difficult year for all of us, hasn’t it. My husband and I almost cried tears of joy after we were vaccinated….and our first hugs with friends came about 2 weeks ago. I know you will continue to be better – no one or thing can keep you down! You are a very sensitive person and people like us just FEEL everything and take on so much worry…but can you feel it…I’m lending you my Guardian Angel, Michael to look after you also. Be well, beautiful lady xoxoxox
Dear Susan,
Welcome back! We have missed you. So glad to hear you are healing and meditating. Thank you for sharing the links for meditation. I too have had quite a time with anxiety. These links are incredible and I am looking foreword to a daily dose of all that is good.
Oh and what a splendid surprise at the end of your blog. Dreaming big for all the girlfriends! Thank you Susan for being the amazing person you are. As Pluto Living says….Whooshing you lots of love!
Debbie R from Valencia, CA
Susan,
I wondered what happened to you, and I am so sorry you were struggling. Understandable, but my heart goes out to you. Sending you a giant hug! There have been days where I have to drag myself up and get my workout in, which helps. I too have been meditating, thank you for the links. I love your idea of meditating thinking your looking at the stars. I have been picturing myself inside a bubble floating over the ocean watching whales and dolphins. I make plans everyday of what I want to accomplish and just keep going. But it has been a struggle.
Got my shot a week ago, and like you the tears flowed, much to my surprise. It felt like a new life. I can now hug my son, my in-laws, and friends who have all been vaccinated. Can plan for getting together with my writing group, all the things that make us happy.
Just know we all think about you, send love and virtual hugs. Everyday when I walk into my office, I feel nothing but joy. I have a beautiful bulletin board that hangs in front of my desk, and I see the full moon bookmark, the desk blotter sits on the desk and it puts a smile on my face and brings more joy than you know. Thank you for all that you do for all of us.
Big hugs and much love,
Terri Brewster
I am so thankful you are doing better! I have been praying, since March, that everything was okay with you, Joe, and Jack. Thank you for sharing everything with us girlfriends. This blog has been therapeutic. It made me laugh and cry. I enjoyed each picture, and now have feelings of hope that everything is getting better. I bet this very special blog has helped many of us and I thank you for that! Wishing you peace, love and happiness. xoxox
Hi Susan! I so needed to see this today! Thank you for sharing, and I have been doing some of the same things to keep me “Happy” as well! It’s good to see you’re feeling better, and yes, Spring and Summer are on the way! I got your Summer book out a couple of weeks ago, and it raised my spirits! Thank you, and God bless! <3
Oh, Susan…so thankful you are on the upswing. I did wonder what was going on with you. I can identify completely. This past year has been so bloomin’ difficult for SO many. I had to “dig” out of a few pits myself. It’s a very hard thing to do; especially with overwhelming fatigue. But so happy you started taking the baby steps, one day at a day…or should I say, one minute at a time?!
I believe the best remedy when you fall into one of those dark holes is to do something nice for somebody else; no matter how small it is. Just do it. Then do another nice thing for another person and so on and so on. Eventually you will be right back on the top of the mountain, instead of in the valley.
I, too, now have that precious vaccine card. What a great weight was lifted from me on Wednesday when I got my J & J shot. I had to drive almost 2 hours away to get it, but it was worth every single mile!
God Bless You, Girlfriend! I am so happy for you and your new outlook.
(Boy, that trip on the ship sure looks enticing. I wish!)
Oh Susan I suspected you were in a hole of depression. Know the feeling. Seems like you’ve climbed out. So glad. Good you got your Covid shots. Can’t wait to see your Dahlias. I grew some years ago. Wonderful flowers. So happy to have you back. Don’t worry, Be happy. Love you. Going to check out the shopping section now.
Susan, I realized after reading your recent words in your April letter to all of us, I feel exactly like you have been feeling. After years living the vagabond life of retiring in our motorhome and traveling visiting with relatives all over the US for a month or so which was great. That stopped when COVID happened. We sold the motorhome, moved to FL and enjoying condo living (on the first floor so I could still have ….flower gardening in pots).
But, suddenly it wasn’t enough. I missed my three children and my little grandchildren who live out of state and haven’t seen in more than a year. I miss my only sibling, my sister who also lives out of state. Then something called Zoom came into our life. We all celebrated Thanksgiving and Christmas together from each of our living rooms. I still tear up as I am a hugger and love getting hugs, so we do virtual hugs.
Life is improving. Family is thinking about possibly visiting maybe in the Fall. None of us talked about that several months ago but we are all at least thinking about it now. That saying’One step at a time’ may just happen this year!
Thank you for opening up and looking forward to more of your ‘letters’.
How touching, honest and heart felt. You shared what so many are going through. Thank you for sharing.
Susan, you were very brave to write about your struggles. We all have had them at different times. You always were the positive cheerful one, and then you weren’t for a while. That was a lesson for all of us. I am so glad you ‘grabbed the vine’ and did what you needed to get through.
All the best wishes for better times ahead.
Leslie From Maine
May 1st is my birthday!!!! I think the universe is telling me something! Just what I need to get out of this COVID funk!!
Thank you so much Susan for this!!! I too have felt very much like you…down cast, sad, depressed, overwhelmed, mad……so your letter to us all has lifted my spirits and give in me some wonderful refreshment and encouragement!!! Thank you thank you so much!!!❤️
Yes, to all of the feelings! I call it the Covid Fog creeping in to darken our days. Have my 1st vaccine appointment next week. ~ January 20, 2021 was a very bright day for me and mine. I cried from sheer relief to have an adult at the wheel again. Had been on the watch for your blog post, hoping that all was well. Glad to hear it is again!
Oh, Susan! I have been worrying and fretting about your not posting to your blog, and never once did I think you might have been depressed! I did think about your mother, and about your health and Joe’s, so I am glad, glad glad that I just HAPPENED to log on on April 9th!!! YES! There you are!!!! Thank you thank you for posting to the blog, and enjoy SPRING!! Yes, it is coming !!! LOVE your snowdrops, wonder if I can grow them here in central Oregon? I have a friend whose great-granddaughter is named Dahlia! I wonder which of the thousands of varieties she looks most like? Keep walking and enjoy every second of this wonderful spring!! HUGS to you, Suzette
Oh Susan, we all knew something was afoot, and that’s because many of us are also going through the same thing! Even with both shots, I sat wondering when I was going to be really free, because of the variants! We have been hit so hard here in El Paso. So I am completely immersed in all things crafty in the UK (Instagram), have resumed my Susan puzzle, and am so excited about new mugs! I am striving to pull myself up by my bootstraps and make it through!! Praying for you and all girlfriends who need help, and can’t wait to see the movie about the popes! I am Catholic and visions of our pope on his motorcycle can put a smile on my face every time!! Hug the Tiny Boy for me!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Dear Susan, I understand what you have been going thru. My husband and our kids,two wonderful daughters, have dealt with anxiety and depression for years. I thank God they have been able to deal with the last year as well as they have. From leaving Facebook to turning off the news we too have found small but significant ways to deal with the “damn-panic”. Remember, those we are closest to are there in good times and bad. Never be afraid to worry someone if you need help.
Here’s to people treating each other with kindness. Caring for each other. And seeing smiles that have been absent from those we love for too long. Hugs.
I’m glad to hear you are doing better. Spring helps. Although today was not a totally happy one. Prince Philip died in his sleep. It’s is so sad. But I kept thinking it wouldn’t be long. Bless him, and prayers to Queen Elizabeth and the family. I lost my Mom last year, the 17th of April. She was 90. Luckily I had gone home for her birthday February 4th. Things were still sketchy then but I said to heck with it and went. I was so happy I did. I didn’t think she had long left. She was as fine as she could be then but as the month and the next went on I could tell. My sister couldn’t go in but stood at the window and talked on the phone. Then several days before she died she was finally able to go in. She facetimed with me and I could tell. Two days later she was gone. So at the end of the month the family is getting together to celebrate her life. It didn’t help my sanity for a while but as things started to “improve” I too got feeling better. My husband and I got our first shots January 25, the day after my 67th birthday. Then February 22nd we got the second. So we shall see. We have gone to the movies a few times and that has helped. Not too concerned about things there as everyone is spread out and not too busy at that.
I hope everyone is doing ok. Take care of yourselves and your families. Now I have to finish dinner, gluten free lasagna! It’s pretty good too!! *L*
It was sooooo good to hear from you. Yes, I was worried. My friends and I kept checking in. We were all worried. I cried with relief when I saw this blog. I also cried because it is all so relatable. Thank you for sharing this. It helps more than you can know.
I have been taking baby steps to get back to myself. I have my first massage therapy appt in a couple weeks. It’s been ages since I’ve been. I’ve had both doses and my husband has his second dose next week. I am driving to see my daughter and her family over Mother’s Day weekend (it’s a 6 hour drive). I start crying just thinking about being with them. I haven’t seen them in over a year and a half. It’s all been too much. But ever so slowly, I’m waking up and moving forward.
I will definitely think about hopping aboard Queen Mary 2 next May. My husband and I had planned a trip to Ireland in 2019. Obviously, we didn’t go. So we’re thinking about doing it in 2022. This would be a great start. I’m excited.
Enjoy your acupuncture. Enjoy your day. Enjoy your life. Namaste.
Hi! So so glad you wrote your blog. I had just told my husband I wondered what happened to you. Your blogs are such a bright spot. It has been quite a long year. I felt my creative juices diminishing. So glad you are back.
I was worried something was terribly wrong when March passed, and then April came along, and no post! This has been a sad, hard year for everyone, but for some, almost intolerable. Then today comes the sad news telling of the death of Prince Philip. He lived a long life of service, but he leaves a family who loved him and mourns as only loved ones can, no matter how famous. I’m glad it’s spring, grateful to be vaccinated, and so glad to see your post.
Well whew! So glad to hear from you and that you’re mending. It would be obvious to anyone who doesn’t know you personally, but have have only read your books (like me) to suspect that something was amiss. You don’t typically just disappear. You are likely to get loads of responses to this wonderful new letter of yours, so I will be as brief as possible.
First, just want to say that Dr. Seuss’ book “The Sneetches” keeps coming to mind for those of us who are vaccinated and those that are not yet – – by choice or by unavailability. The Sneetches had stars – – or not – – on their bellies to identify and differentiate themselves from each other. It’s a dear story with an important message, and there is eventual reconciliation, thankfully. Your comment about wearing your vaccination card proudly like a “I Voted” sticker hits home for me. I’ve been tempted to pin mine on my shirt when I’m out in public, just to hopefully help some fearful people relax a bit.
Finally, I want to say (as a mental health professional with a focus on bereavement), that grief is always tied to love. The bigger the love, the bigger the grief. Your sweet mother’s passing may have affected you even more than you realize, or expected. Grief affects physical, emotional, mental, social, familial, behavioral, and spiritual/existential realms. Often we don’t even realize that a problem we’re having is connected to our grief. A new loss also brings up the memory and pain of previous losses. Please give yourself compassion, patience, and lots of time (and I hope you are seeing a counselor). It sounds like you are already instinctively doing those things that will help you heal – – good job! Many blessings to you, Susan, on your journey. Thank you for spreading sunshine, while remembering that it’s completely permissible and normal for you to slip behind the gray clouds occasionally, as we all do.
Dearest Susan
What a moving tribute to hope and life😊 thank you
I signed up for my first vaccine on my late husband’s birthday and I too had the first one on my late mother’s birthday.
And I planted my hollyhocks I’ve loved them since playing with them in my great grandmothers and grandmothers gardens and cosmos today. Thinking ill need snapdragons too.
I adore the old fashioned 🌺
Health to you Joe and Jack
All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle”
St. Francis of Assisi
So glad you are feeling better. You always brighten my day. Hugs.
Oh Susan, I so feel what you have been feeling.I think it’s a cosmic connection between all us girl friends. Thank you for sharing and helping me to see color again. I too have the happy jean and this has been very difficult. Keep smiling jeep shining !
Soooo glad you’re back, Susan!! My sister (also Susan) and I have missed you and were worried. Thanks for opening your heart to us all. I’ll keep you and Joe and everyone who’s been suffering all this time in my prayers. Alice
Oh Susan! So sorry you are going through all that. But it sounds like you are on the upswing. Happy to hear that. My sister recently tried acupuncture. To help clear her channels. There is a lot to it. I’ve never tried it though. Take care of YOU, that is most important. Virtual hugs to you. – Biz G in MD
Susan,
I’ve missed you! I’m glad you’re feeling better. While it’s great to keep busy, sometimes you have to STOP and just rest! I’m retiring in 3 weeks and am really looking forward to not having to be anywhere unless I want to be there. I’m looking forward to days catching up with my reading, (my “to be read” piles have taken over the living room and bedroom), writing letters, getting into crafts again and working on my genealogy again, and just sitting and listening to music without feeling the need to be DOING something while I’m listening, but just appreciating the beauty of it. I want to walk more and take more photos, as well. Take care of yourself and come back soon!
Susan,
You put it all so eloquently. I can relate. I live in gorgeous sunny Arizona but could not enjoy the scenery and weather much. I described my feelings as skin crawling anxiety and deep sadness. My little older dog and I made the best of each day with walks, thank goodness for her or I’d probably hidden under the covers. Husband works an essential job so after the first lockdown was lifted he had to work. The stress of the germs he was exposed to were a constant state of anxiety for me. I tried to meditate but don’t think I got it right, I’ll keep trying, you’ve inspired me.
My best friend since 6th grade, we are retired now, was in hospital 39 days on ventilator with COVID and that made it very personal. She miraculously survived it but after five months is still recuperating. Picking up groceries curbside, my dog vet appts curbside, the sanitation station in the garage, raw hands, one doctor visit after another for me, mostly stress induced ailments, a Tia (small thank god) Afib diagnosis, rashes, hair loss, on and on.
You are so right, this pandemic has robbed us of so much and for many of us will leave lasting scars.
I too cried when I got my first vaccine. I felt joyful for the first time in over a year. The second vaccine …I was so happy then twelve hours later down with fever, chills, but I kept thinking, “this is good, my body is waging war on this monster.” Felt fine after 48 hours.
We had our first inside the home visit in a year, three days ago, our Internet had crashed. IT guy to the rescue. It was scary though and weird. Masking is so bizarre. I’ll never get used to it.
Anyway while your blog was sad at first you rose like a Phoenix out of the ashes and put smiles and hope in many hearts.
Thank you for your thoughts and pictures. You are a bright light. XXOOXX
You WILL get used to it. We will come back and there will be at least a half way sense of normal. It’s coming. xoxoxoxo
So good to hear from you Susan!!! I was getting worried about you! Believe you me, most or all of us have felt that way. Sometimes the stress / worry comes in waves and other days it seems to sneak up on me. I am considered an “Essential Employee” so I never stopped working during this mess. At this point, watching Spring happening around me makes me very happy. The longer days are a plus. I was finally able to get first vaccination shot and I get my second one Tuesday. Most importantly, I am going to see my Granddaughter Edith this week-end for the first time since December 2019. You know, FaceTime can only do so much. Needless to say I will be smothering her with hugs and kisses. Keep the faith! There is light at the end of the tunnel! We will beat Covid!!
Dear Susan, Lately, every day or so I would check for a new blog and there was nothing. I would say a little prayer that you were healthy. One day late last month I had to go to my doctor, sobbing, about the state of things. I was so tired. I didn’t know how to describe what I felt but he knew. He knew. He’s trying to help me. My husband and I have gotten both our vaccines too and I was crying with such gratitude and I made new friends! Three of the women from the hospital who were checking people in and giving the vaccines told me my reaction made everything they had been through worth it. Such angels. Thank you Jesus for the vaccines. I love you, girl, as do thousands of us. It is so good to hear from you. Take care and keep going…❤️
Dear Susan,
Yes, I did miss you but so thankful that you’re “back on your feet”, as the saying goes. I too LOVE Sweet Peas and as we speak, I have some tiny heads popping up from the soil in a planter in my BEDROOM! Also, my family Coat of Arms reads:
Nil Desperandum – never despair. I hang on tightly to that — always.
God bless you, dear lady.
Welcome back, Susan. We missed you and wondered. I,too, was hibernating in utter oblivion, not wanting to do ANYTHING. The first snowdrops cheered me and Spring has finally shared birds, greens and forsythia. I ached reading your blog, realizing you drained yourself for us sharing your caring wisdom and words all through the political campaign, the pandemic sadness and the Constant chaos in our country. Thank you for taking care of yourself, finding peace and coming back. We need you but not at a level too much for you. So thankful you have good things to plan for in the future to nurture you soul and psyche. Take good care of you, Joe and Jack. 💕💕🥰
Hi Susan – I am so sorry your Mom, Pat, passed away. Both my husband and I worked with her at McDonnell Douglas for five years and she was a lovely lady. It is hard to lose someone you love so much. My husband passed away 10 years ago on February 28 and some days it still feels like no time has passed. His birthday came 6 days later so it seems you want to climb down in a dark hole. If a stray cat hadn’t walked in to live with me 3 years ago, I don’t know what I would be doing. You are in my prayers and I am glad you are feeling better. Big Bear has been a nightmare since the pandemic with all the tourists but hopefully it will settle down some soon.
Happy Spring sweet Susan! We have all made it through the “long winter” and now the beautiful miracles are popping out all over! Daffodils, Bleeding Hearts, Jonquils in bloom.Lily of the Valley are appearing, ready to bloom in a few weeks, the forsythia, Redbud trees, Magnolia, brighten the leafless vistas here in Nashville Indiana. The promise of warmer weather, the sun wakes us up each morning, the Full moon was lovely, birds singing, all to make us hopeful and bring joy to our days! Bake some heart shaped sugar cookies, brew some sun tea or squeeze lemons for lemonade and think positive , we are all on the same rowboat!
Welcome back, you were missed! It has been difficult for sure, so much stress and it does creep up on you. Going to check out your meditation suggestions as my stress is causing health issues. But better times are coming, spring and vaccines are here! I definitely also shut the news off and old black and white movies are so calming(why is that??)
PS I am enjoying the font in this comment section 🙂
The BEST!!!! 💞💞💞
Hi Susan!
Your mother and my father-in-law shared a birthday.♥ I am so happy you are feeling better! I have been blessed to take care of my almost two year old grandson two days a week. He has been my sunshine through all of this. I have another grandson due in about a month. More joy. More love. More baby cuddles. I would love to be on the ship with you. My sister, who turns 80 this August, lives in England. I would love to go see her. I will have to talk it over with my husband. Say a prayer that he likes the idea as much as I do.
Keep getting better and better. We all need you.
Love,
Terry
Thank you. Thank you.
I was so worried.
So much love for you both and Jack.
Thank you for sharing your story, Susan. It’s tragic that in our society people still get more sympathy for having Tennis Elbow than a Major Depressive episode. I believe many suicides could be prevented if we weren’t afraid to be authentic when dealing with pain stemming from a mental or emotional issue. We fear being labeled as crazy, a nut job, mental case, “having a screw loose,” or the worst of all, “Psycho” when we already feel as though we’re being followed by a dark cloud. People dealing with physical pain are rarely treated with such callousness. When depressed, my brain seems to shut down in order to avoid the shame I feel as a result of not having the strength to “pull myself up by my bootstraps.” Our brains and life histories are complex. That often makes it difficult to pinpoint what’s bothering us and making us appear to be a malcontent. We’ve been programed to “Spread sunshine all over the place, and PUT ON A HAPPY FACE.” It feels like a kick in the gut when we share emotional pain and someone says, “Snap out of it” or “Pick your chin up and get over it.” No one wants to be considered Debbie Downer. I only tell a couple of trusted friends when I’m in a major funk and HAPPY seems impossible to find or feel. A depressed mood can easily spiral into a black hole out of which I fear I’ll never be able to climb. Intellectually I understand and remind myself that I’ve felt this before and will eventually escape the abyss feeling like myself again; the me I not only enjoy being alone with, but also sharing with others. The odd thing about a depressive episode is how I can go to sleep in my own bed feeling like a relative who’s overstayed the 3 day rule dreading the morning sun; Then unexpectedly upon awakening, I feel as though at some point in the night, my caring, creative, and fun self returned home, unpacked, able to hear the birds singing again, and I smile.
I don’t know why they disassociate the head with the rest of our bodies. What’s the difference between having a twisted ankle, or having your mind get the flu? It’s all YOU… equal illness, equal wellness. I’m glad it’s coming out more, because it’s a crazy backward way of thinking for ever one moment to ignore this, or feel guilty about not living up to someone else’s ideal! Especially today, when there is SO MUCH HELP out there. We’re all so different, and yet the same. Blessings on you Rebecca! ❌💝⭕️
I knew something was amiss,Susan.
Not like you to keep in touch with all your fans.
Take one day at a time.
Best wishes,
Another Susan
Oh, Susan..this post made my heart hurt. I know just how you’d been feeling..I’m certain LOTS of the girlfriends were in the exact same place. 2020 was a horrid year!!! Overwhelming is the word for it. I’m so glad you’re feeling better. We all have to find our own way to the sun again…but we can see it lately…I’m feeling better, too. I hope everyone has reason to feel better. ❤️
I’ve been so worried about you Susan! It just didn’t seem right that I hadn’t gotten a blog from you on April 1…rabbit, rabbit! Don’t get me wrong, I totally get the out of sorts feeling that most of the world is feeling these days. Thank you for making my day, my week, my year!!!
I’m sure everyone else who shares your blog has a glorious smile on their face right now!
I knew something was amiss,Susan.
Not like you to not keep in touch with all your fans.
Take one day at a time.
Best wishes,
Another Susan
I’m so sorry you were here such a hard time. I’m thankful you are on the up swing. I think the gloomy short days of winter were getting to all of us. Nothing helps the spirit more than flowers starting to stick their heads up and trees starting to bud and bloom.
I just read a book called “The Girl From Channel Island” by Jenny Lecoat. As I read about all the hardships and shortages they endured for so many years, it made me realize we didn’t have to bad.
I have my vaccine card and it was such a relief to know I can hug and be with the people I love. I know there are still hurdles ahead but we will overcome these in time. I so thankful you are on the road to recovery. Blessings to you and Joe and your sweet kitty.
Feeling your journey. My grandma and I suffered every dark winter though the rest of the year was cheerful. Thanks for sharing your works and your art with us. God has made us better together.
Dear Susan, I’m so sorry about the despair and anxiety you’ve been feeling lately. Our sorry old world has been through so much in recent years it’s no wonder you (and me and sooo many others) have been feeling quite frayed! It’s good you’re being pro active and open to different types of self care. Accupuncture helped me back in the 1970’s with a scalp problem, it took a dermatologist in 2019 to give it a name (why previous doctors couldn’t name it I don’t know!). Back in 1968 while browsing my high school library I stumbled across I Capture the Castle by Dodie Smith which I read and loved. It took another 40 odd years before the US put out a paperback re issue. I bought one and treasure it (I will NOT loan it out) and envy anyone with a hardback book. There’s a CD (don’t laugh I still buy them) called Meditation A Pracical Survival Kit for the 90’s by Allen Holmquist from CMI records. I swear that after listening to it (headphones on for optimum effect) you’ll feel so much better. I just checked and Allen Holmquist has a Youtube channel. There’s a book called The Afternoon Teabook by Michael Smith that gives you a “calgon take me away” Brit moment whether you bake the recipes or not. Susan you’re entitled to time for yourself and a soft place to land when life is rough. I think we all need to be gentle with ourselves in these troubled times and look for the light. O.K. I’m starting to ramble I’ll close for now. Aloha to you, Joe, and wee Jack.
PS last book fyi the 1971 How to be Your Own Best Friend by Mildred Newman and Bernard Berkowitz it maybe from the 70’s but it’s still timely. Yes I know I’ve mentioned it before but it really is that good.
Thank you for sharing yourself, Susan.
I had missed hearing from you, so appreciated your post.
I’m so glad you’re feeling better & that in doing so, you helped many of us get through that or something else. We all need each other!
xox
Barbara A
I, too, went through what you went through on a much smaller scale. I quit listening to podcasts about people with major problems. I read happy books (I Capture the Castle was one of them!) and tried to eat healthy and worked in my garden. And read my scriptures and prayed.
Love to you!
Cathy
I’m so happy you are feeling better!! It has been a very hard year and losing a parent is crushing. You are an empath. I have been told many times I am too. It’s impossible not to take on the entire worlds woes. It’s a fight to stay in a loving, light filled space. But you are doing it which makes me so happy! How wonderful to have your trips to look forward to! Thank you for being open about depression. Much love to you!
So many thanks for your ‘blog’ that I just received today. Boy, did it hit home. I thought to myself, “wow, someone else has been feeling this way too?” Thank you for sharing your thoughts, worries, hopes, fears, and then happiness that the vaccine brings (at least for me!). I feel quite a bit for protected now, even though I will still wear my mask when going to stores. April is a good season for reflection and impending growth for everything and everybody. Here’s to a great spring and summer, keep up the good spirits and happy thoughts, and for me, just getting out to see what popping through the ground is so uplifting!
So glad you are ok. I was worried about you, and figured something must be going on. I’ve missed your blog so much!!! And as one who has suffered with depression for most of my live, I can totally relate to what you shared! So glad you are feeling better and more positive. I’m praying for you!! Take care, and hug Joe and Jack!!!
Aw! I wondered if something was wrong (and was hoping it wasn’t covid!) but the facebook page said you were just busy painting your next calendar! I didn’t think of sending a note! I’m sorry you’ve been feeling “under the weather,” and am glad you are rising up from your despair. You bring so much joy and beauty to the world and to us “girlfriends,” your purpose in life has been sealed! YOU bring US hope & joy. Whatever would we do without your encouragement & creativity? And what can we give you in return but love & adoration? I’m glad you are feeling better and have fun plans ahead! May your blossoming hope bring you joy.
Susan — we’ve been worried about you! Somehow, we knew something wasn’t right. You bring so much beauty and joy to all of us…please know that we’re sending much love and good vibes back to you. You’re doing exactly the right things — being good to yourself, focusing on all that’s special in the here and now, and looking forward to the future. Remember the immortal words of that great philosopher Scarlett O’Hara: “…after all, tomorrow is another day!”
With love from Texas…
It’s wonderful to have you back, Susan!
I’ve always wanted to try acupuncture. So happy to hear it’s working for you!
Your home and garden are lovely.
Thank you for sharing all the beauty around you.
Hugs from Texas,
Tambra Nicole
Welcome back Susan! I sure did miss you! When your blog was silent for longer than usual, I DID start to wonder and worry. All kinds of thoughts started rushing through my brain as to what could be wrong and I started imagining all kinds of things. Thank you for sharing your heart and such a personal inner struggle. Sounds like you are on the road back and have found positive ways to work through the darkness. Yay!! I have now received both my Covid doses and am so relieved to have it completed. Stay strong and keep pushing forward, one foot in front of the other. You are such a bright ray of sunshine every month and I love escaping in to your world through your blogs. Peace from Susan in Indiana!
Oh Susan! You’re the best!
All that dam-panic going on affected us all, even YOU! I felt I’d just never get over here to meet my second granddaughter. I seriously thought I’d die and go to heaven and never ever see my daughter again or meet Anna and see Kirsten again. But now, it’s happened! I followed you all along on Twitter and worried about you – and all of us!
But it’s a time for new beginnings! I’m so proud of you for digging your way out. I’m so proud of so many of us girlfriends for doing the same. All excellent advice from you here.
Including Go Be Love!
I’m so thankful! Blessings to you…
So happy you are back. I missed you! Thank you.
Dear Susan, You have no idea how happy I was to see your newsletter in my email today. I have been wondering for a few weeks now why we hadn’t heard from you. Yesterday I was thinking what an amazing personality you have…people who have never even met you start missing you and your beautiful words. Can I be like you when I grow up? ☺️. Thank you for sharing your life with all of us ‘girlfriends’, and thank you for your words of wisdom on how to keep a positive spirit. These last few months seem to have been even more difficult than 2020, but there IS light at the end of the tunnel. Second dose…✅! Take care; stay positive! 💞
Dear Susan,
I am so glad that you are feeling better. The damndemic has surely done it’s worst on so many and we look to a better future. My husband and I are fully vaccinated now and look forward to future adventures. Meanwhile we continue to be safe and plan those adventures. My sweet granddaughter hooked us up with Netflix for my birthday and we have been binge watching some great entertainment. “Two Popes” was excellent! I loved knowing someone else made a pineapple upside down cake for Easter. I hadn’t made one in sooo many years. It was a delightful treat for our family. Take care!
Susan-
I’m so glad you’re back.
I knew there was something wrong…
I haven’t even finished reading your blog…
Just glad to see your new entry !
Enjoy “The Splendid and the Vile”. It is a wonderful book.
So happy that you’re feeling better. I think many of us feel or felt the same way this year. I even googled “anxiety when waking up every day” this morning. Common, but difficult to live with. Reading your posts always brings hope and smiles to us. Welcome back.
I was worried about you, I’m so glad you’re back. I have two of your mugs and I would love to buy more, they’re my favorite. I’m a health care worker and although it’s scary taking care of Covid patients, in some ways I feel I’ve fared better mentally than folks who are inside. Taking care of the sick, the injured, the worried, the lonely, that’s what I’m here for and Covid has reinforced for me that what I do matters. You matter to us too. Be well.
Thank you Susan for your brave honesty about suffering the mental exhaustion. Many of us have been there and some still are. I always think “Tomorrow is another day- a new day.” Each day is a gift. God is good.
What a breathtakingly honest, brave & most eloquent post. Even more than usual, you have offered hope, joy, beauty and a pathway to healing. Such a huge gift. Magnificent.
Hands to heart. xoxoxo
I read and cried, then stop and read some more. I feel you, I see you! I know so many of us can relate, but to visualize your friend at your window, with the sign asking to come in…that sums up this entire year for me. I haven’t been out of my house. Though not so bad, it is a prison of the soul and the longing for freedom to roam and go, wherever I choose… we’ll, it is just overwhelming! I have a health issue that has kept me inside. So I day-dreamily wish I could sail away on your big ship with a wonderful group of “girlfriends”. Have fun, I’ll be looking forward to hear of all your adventures from my home here in California. XoXo
Oh, Susan…my eyes filled with tears as I read this. First, it was lovely to see you back. In my mind, I was hoping that in the time away you were maybe finishing up work on Enchanted. If I knew the real reason, it might have put me over the edge. I live alone, have chronic pain issues & have suffered greatly with depression from loss of loved ones (5 since 2019), isolation & just overall sadness over what’s going on in our world. Do you know what I’ve done to cope? Went all the way back to the beginning of your blog & just drenched myself in all of the love, happiness, travel, recipes, flowers, art & heart felt beauty that you’ve put out there for all of us. I selfishly thought that none of this horror that we’ve lived through this past year could ever have touched you. I’m so sorry for that. Crying because we really are all connected. Wishing you nothing but peace & healing along with the rest of us, as Spring works its magic with warmer weather, longer days, sunlight, blooming trees & flowers & hope. Precious hope, as we all do our part & get vaccinated (my second shot is on the 20th of this month). Love to all. xo
We really are all connected, and the faster we find that out, the faster we will find peace on earth.💖